He was shocked and bewildered and lost. Our play had hit something at the core of him and he looked stricken, chest heaving, face screwed up, on the edge of tears. I cradled him, rocking him gently, kissing, crooning to him.
“It’s ok baby, it’s ok,” I stroked his face.
He looked up at me, a little boy, scared and bewildered.
“Please hurt me…” he asked in a small voice, “please…?”
I understood at once … Continue Reading
I had a dream last night, I don’t often remember dreams.
My boy was in it. Someone had beaten him with copper wire, I wanted to see it. I made him take his shirt off to show me, his pale upper back criss-crossed with cuts and marks. I look at it, it makes my stomach lurch with lust. I grab his injured flesh, closing my fist on it, digging my nails into the torn skin, … Continue Reading
Given my recent post on torture porn… I give you this:
Seriously, how totally awesome terribly disturbing is that?!! Brilliant!! Disgusting… tsk tsk!!… Continue Reading
Later, we watch a movie, puppy is allowed on the bed, snuggled beside me.
I make some comment about what’s on screen to him, he answers me, laughing. It takes us both a few seconds to realise that he has spoken.
I raise my eyebrows at him. Comically, his wrapped paws fly to cover his mouth, his eyes widen, a look of shock and horror frozen on his face.
“Can puppies talk?!” I demand.
He … Continue Reading
Sometimes play just… well, it just doesn’t work.
I tried puppy play, I thought he would be sweet as a puppy… fun and playful, insistent and helpless.
He was not to rise from all fours, he was not to speak. He could make sounds, he could try to indicate to me if he wanted things. He was to act like a puppy.
He looked cute and a little confused as he sank to the floor.… Continue Reading
I’ve not heard the term ‘torture porn’ before, but I have to admit to having a fondness for it… ‘torture porn’… kind of dirtyscaryhot. I watched some the other day. Antichrist is R rated and promises lots of sex and violence, but it was a terrible, tedious, arty movie (god, dull and plodding and dull (yes, I know I already said that, but it bears repeating)), but in it there was violence worthy of madness.… Continue Reading
You are the tunes in my head, the fire in my ribs
You are the voice in my heart that whispers compassion
You are the storm on the ocean, poem in the trees
The smell of the winter that haunts me each autumn…
Happy birthday, Helen.
Happy birthday, beautiful boy.
I miss you.
… Continue Reading