A few weeks ago, I received an email on CM from a local switch whose profile included the fact that he “leans towards the dominant side”. Despite it clearly being a form letter that may as well have been addressed to “Dear Recipient”, it had a line in it that made me laugh, and I was curious enough to respond with more than just a ‘no thanks’. I asked him why a switch with primarily dominant tendencies would be contacting a dominant woman, and suggested that perhaps he would be better off with a submissive who could service top (see how very helpful I am?). He responded with intelligence and some self examination about his motives.
We are still emailing.
I asked him to stop reading this blog so that I would have a little freedom to share, just in case it turned into something I wanted to write about. I assume he has complied (if you are reading this, you *must* know that I will be able to tell, right? The magic of internet stats and smarts will do you in!).
So, what have I learned so far? He is a newbie, a hopeless romantic, realistic in his expectations, practical, a successful professional, a father. He gets joy from pleasing his partner, identifies as a strong personality, has been told he is ‘not really submissive’, is big on being treated with respect, on being acknowledged and valued. He is 10 years younger than me. He says many of the right things, he is letting me lead the pace, he is rather ‘normal’, and very appealing on paper.
He stepped over a little threshold with me today and that is what prompted this post. He wants to exchange photos and he wants to move to IM, reasonable requests that I have refused. In my last, I responded with a full explanation of my reasons and a closing note:
When it’s right for me, I will move it along and exchange photos. I have heard you and understand that it’s important to you, I will keep it in mind.
It is this kind of thing that acts as the first glimpse of how he will accept a decision that I have made that he disagrees with. His response was, frankly, rather perfect:
Thank you for taking the time to consider my views and requests (very nicely handled thank you). I am very happy to continue communicating this way… and I must say that you [handled my request] with grace and care, so Thank you.
When my submissive disagrees with me over something, that is exactly what I expect. He states his opinion, I explain my choice, he accepts it with grace, we move on. *ticks another box*
Is this a possible ‘something’? I honestly don’t know yet. I am interested enough to continue, which is huge, however I am also very aware that I can normally *feel it* (you know… ‘it’… IT…) pretty much immediately, the zing-zing, the click, that low level thrum of excitement, that natural joy in bouncing off each other without effort and I am not feeling it with him. I am taking my time to give him a chance to get inside my head to give it the best possible opportunity to be something…
To be continued…
* If there’s another post about this boy, I am obviously going to have to come up with a cute nick… or perhaps I will just use the acronym IMWMNaCNITGA…
34 comments
I can't wait for the next chapter!
Call him click the switch says I. But he must bring us cake on his return to the blog
Coug
Ooh – *claps hands with excitement* very exciting! I look forward to hearing how it develops.
oh the budding possibilities! he sounds like he is quite deliberate, such a good sign.
Oh dear. I have a feeling that some regular malesub readers may now be thinking, 'Good luck, Miss Ferns!' . . . then quietly wandering away . . . .
Sir Puppington Lothian.
— Sir Puppington Lothian:
— Oh dear. I have a feeling that some
— regular malesub readers may now be
— thinking, 'Good luck, Miss Ferns!'…
— then quietly wandering away…
Nobody is wandering away… as least not this male submissive. I'm very happy for my good friend (the dominant one in the equation; I don't know the switch, but he sounds like a clever, gracious, self actualized sort of chap). Yay for people conquering label barriers and doing what feels right to them.
E.
slapshot: “I can't wait for the next chapter!”
Oh the pressure!!! *laugh*
I am hoping the next chapter is not “And then we met and… meh… The End.”
Ferns
Coug: “Call him click the switch says I.”
Perhaps I should run a poll?
“But he must bring us cake on his return to the blog”
Absolutely. You know, I miss cakeboy… where *is* that little bundle of cakey goodness?!
Ferns
J: “Ooh – *claps hands with excitement* very exciting! I look forward to hearing how it develops.”
Me too!!
Ferns
Mina: “oh the budding possibilities! he sounds like he is quite deliberate, such a good sign.”
He seems to have a lot of really good qualities… if he was all that AND the 'zing zing' was there, I would be clapping my hands with excitement along with J up above there…
I am trying to get him to relax and 'play' with me a little in emails, you know… have some banter, some fun… he is a little deadly serious and it could be nerves or it could be that he is just terribly earnest (ugh!)… We will see.
Ferns
puppy: “Oh dear. I have a feeling that some regular malesub readers may now be thinking, 'Good luck, Miss Ferns!' . . . then quietly wandering away…”
*chuckle* Really?! The majority of this blog has been 'me in a relationship'… I'd have suspected most regular malesub readers would be going “Thank fuck, we've had enough of your boring opinion pieces, let's get to some frigging actual D/s stuff!! Come on!!!”
Ferns
Elan: “Nobody is wandering away… as least not this male submissive. I'm very happy for my good friend…”
Thank you *smile* Though the happiness can be dialled down to 'gentle optimism' to reflect the reality.
It's early days, it's email correspondence, it's possibly maybe perhaps potentially something…
This is the first time I am writing about a potential for all the reasons I have explained previously… It makes me a little nervous to be honest. Nervous can be good, I'm going to go with it.
Ferns
Elan: “I'm very happy for my good friend…”
Miss Ferns is *my* good friend, not yours. Shut up.
Sir Puppington Lothian.
Oh fun, fun! I'll keep fingers crossed! Though have to admit, I find it interesting to read these… so hoping you don't find blogging about it to be too interfering.
“Elan: “I'm very happy for my good friend…”
Miss Ferns is *my* good friend, not yours. Shut up.
Sir Puppington Lothian. “
Over aggressive dogs end up getting neutered I'd bear that in mind
Coug
Sir Puppington Lothian,
— Miss Ferns is *my* good friend, not
— yours. Shut up.
Eh, wot? Ah. Puppy needs to lift a leg. Got it.
E.
Ferns,
— This is the first time I am writing
— about a potential for all the reasons I
— have explained previously… It makes me
— a little nervous to be honest. Nervous
— can be good, I'm going to go with it.
You deserve happiness. I'm glad you're giving this more than a surface glance. In my opinion, too many people allow instant chemistry to rule their approach to meeting. I think it's wonderful that you're taking the time to get to know this man, to communicate over a longer period, and to see where things go and how he reacts and fits your needs and style.
I drove a new car for few days and, frankly, my first impression wasn't great. The controls weren't quite where I was used to them and certain, newer features were foreign to me. Fast forward. After driving a while, I really began to like this car and some of the features I'd not had before showed themselves as being rather useful. Heh. :-) The “test driving” metaphor is a tad cliche, but if it works, it works. Perhaps, take the boy for a spin; try some short trips, a blast down the highway, and a longer, slower pace down some back-country roads. I didn't have an instant affinity with “the car” at first, but by the time I had to give it back (mine was repaired and ready for pickup), I was quite sad to see it go. Its “zing zing” appeal took a while to develop, but, by the end, I really liked the way it responded and conformed to me. :-)
Elan.
Elan: “Sir Puppington Lothian,
— Miss Ferns is *my* good friend, not
— yours. Shut up.
Eh, wot? Ah. Puppy needs to lift a leg. Got it.”
Up yours, big nose.
Sir Puppington Lothian,
(Note, the anonymous post directed at me seems like it must be from you and hence this reply.)
Perhaps your initial comment to me was meant as a friendly joke? Did I miss something? I gave kudos to Ferns and you essentially came in, without provocation, and peed on my post. That's why I made the “puppy needs to lift a leg” comment. Under the circumstances, this was one of the nicer responses that came to mind. I apologize if I misunderstood your intent. Your follow-up still has me wondering though. Is this supposed to be a joke too? I'll admit, if that's the case, the humour in your posts is not registering with me.
Elan.
Sir Puppington Lothian,
Ha! Now I get it! :-) Geesh! The last time we did this, I didn't recognize you either. Oops. Must be that “British humour”. Silly puppy! You got me again!
E.
Elan: “Ha! Now I get it! :-) Geesh! The last time we did this, I didn't recognize you either. Oops. Must be that “British humour”. Silly puppy! You got me again!
“
You feisty old sausage! ;-)
Sir Puppington Lothian.
Maggie” “Oh fun, fun! I'll keep fingers crossed! Though have to admit, I find it interesting to read these…”
Thank you for the crossed fingers! I hope it will get *more* interesting, but I can't promise anything…
Ferns
Elan, puppy: Shame you sorted things out amongst yourselves… I was already planning the boxer-clad jello wrestling match to determine 'good friend-osity'.
As it is, though, you may both curl up at my feet and keep my toes warm while I sort out my life… if you want to do a little kissing to make up, that's fine too.
Ferns
Miss Ferns,
Stop being odd. That's *my* job.
*Chuckle*. The thought of Elan and I fighting over your feet . . . It's . . .
Elan, help me here, I'm struggling . . . .
Sir Puppington Lothian.
puppy: “Stop being odd.”
Odd? *re-reads*
Two lovely boys curled up at my feet, maybe kissing… I can think of many descriptions for that scenario, but odd would not be one of them…
Ferns
bois kissing is hawt
Even for me, especially if one preferably both are reluctant.
Coug
lying, face-to-face, with Miss Ferns's foot between them, alternately kissing, and sucking Miss Ferns's toes. Me on her small toe, Elan on her big one. Or vice versa.
You know, I honestly believe that no-one, ever, has written a fantasy based on that scenario. I wonder why?! Miss Ferns: front and centre with your quill pen!
Sir Puppington Lothian.
Ferns and Sir Puppington Lothian,
Here I am picturing the moment and translating to text… and in comes the puppy, mid-post, before I can finish.
*subdues the puppy, placing a hand over his mouth while rubbing and stroking “him” to divert his attention elsewhere*
*licks fingers in preparation*
*cuddles up beside the puppy, chest to chest, mouth to mouth, lips to lips*
*places hands around the puppy's head, pulling him closer, coercing him open so he can taste his own scent as it drips from my tongue*
Ah. Much better. Too much chit chat. Pregnant, fertile silence is such a lovely backdrop for moans and whimpers. Good pup.
Ferns wrote: “Two lovely boys curled up at my feet, maybe kissing… I can think of many descriptions for that scenario, but odd would not be one of them…”
Precisely. :-)
Elan.
Elan,
You don't have a moustache, do you? Just asking.
Sir Puppington Lothian.
*blissful sigh over the thought of two lovely happy nuzzling boys at my feet…*
Ferns
Sir Puppington Lothian,
— You don't have a moustache, do you?
— Just asking.
And you can think to ask this mid-tongue? I withdraw a prior remark I made to the “Goddess of the Manor” wherein I suggested “men don't multitask”. Oh, alright. I'll acquiesce to your curiosity. I am clean shaven and don't have a mustache. Occasionally, I used to have a goatee, but that hasn't been for a long time. Now, be a good pup and focus. The Darling Lady's feet are getting cold with all this pup-to-pup banter and we're disrupting both her contentment and her view. :-)
E.
Ferns,
— *blissful sigh over the thought of two
— lovely happy nuzzling boys at my feet…*
*considers the alchemy of converting “blissful sighs” to “pocket zing”*
I'm helpful and altruistic like that. Just take some of this with you and sprinkle where needed.
Elan: “Just take some of this with you and sprinkle where needed.”
*tastes the zing… yummy!… pockets the rest*
Ferns
Wow, your post makes mine look feeebl. More power to you!