Ugh.
So holy-fuck-beautiful-eyes pulled out of the kissing date.
It was supposed to be tomorrow night. Yesterday we were finalising plans. Today he told me that a woman he had been on a few dates with had expressed serious interest in him this morning, and he was equally interested in her. Given that had arisen, he didn’t think it would be right to go ahead with the kissing date.
Understandably, relationship-potential trumps stranger-kissing.
He offered a chaste meal-and-conversation date instead: I declined. I mentioned before that we aren’t a match and one of the reasons for the ‘no talking’ approach was because I don’t believe we would get on all that well.
Is the story true, or did he just get cold feet? I have no idea. It doesn’t matter really.
But wow, am I ever disappointed. I HATE being disappointed. It’s one of my least favourite things EVER.
Normally I manage my expectations very carefully because I hate being disappointed so much. When I talk about being reserved, being the opposite of emotionally fearless, that’s part of what I mean. I normally hold everything in check until I feel like I trust someone enough to feel safe to start letting down walls.
But with this, the scope was SO VERY LIMITED, that I didn’t check myself. I mean, it wasn’t a ‘potential partner’ or ‘possible love’, or any of the big things that were going to land me flat on my face if it went wrong. It was a kissing date!
So I got excited about it, I enjoyed the interactions with him so very much, I felt that lovely build up of expectation, I savoured the idea, turned it over in my head in different ways, I made plans, I thought about it, and him, a lot with the happy, bouncy thrill of anticipation.
So now, I am disappointed. And man, disappointment sucks. And it’s worse because I blame myself in part because I didn’t manage my emotions like I normally do. I allowed myself to feel ALL THE GOOD FEELS with abandon. And even though they were pretty small-time feels in the scheme of things, the let down is made worse by an annoying voice whispering in my head “Well, that’ll teach you to allow this joyful anticipation to run around unchecked! You know better, but you still let it happen, idiot.” And I hate that. I don’t want to be that person (though really, I am already and normally that person).
*sigh*
TL;DR: No kissing date. Fucking disappointed. Sucks.
27 comments
*scowls* Well that just sucks :( Ferns I usually have a smart comment handy but no I’m just sorry that it didn’t work
Coug
Truly, it sucks :(.
*sigh*
Ferns
Bummer.
It sure does suck when anticipation and good feelings run high. But at least you have now thought about it and decided that it is an option, so I am sure more opportunties will arise….
“so I am sure more opportunties will arise…”
*smile* Well yes and no.
The idea DOES have potential, so that’s a plus.
BUT given I am ‘difficult‘, the odds of finding someone else with this magic combination of a strong attraction AND where I feel safe are slim.
When I mentally flick through the men I have briefly corresponded with and found we weren’t compatible, there isn’t one other I can think of who elicits this reaction from me :(.
Ferns
*Big hugs! * It does suck. But it is also completely his loss too! I mean a kissing date with a voluptuous, intelligent, humorous, and completely fabulous woman?! Pfftt I would so be there for sure!
Respectfully,
Mysticlez
*hugs* Thank you.
Though the ‘intelligent, humourous, and completely fabulous’ bit is irrelevant when you aren’t allowed to talk :P.
Ferns
I totally know how you feel. My to-be-had-yesterday date cancelled, too!
It must be Letting-Super-Awesome-Women-Down-Week. Why have we not been notified?! We could have been prepared! Is there someone we can sue!? *puts glasses on and starts looking up precedents*
~ A.
*laugh* I’m totally in on that class action suit!!
I mean, COME ON!!!
Ferns
*hug*
*warm hug* Thank you, fin.
Ferns
Ah, I’m sorry. I hate being disappointed too. I hold everything in check in much the same fashion I think.
I try to keep my expectations on an even keel. I don’t get my hopes too high because that crash…well it just sucks big time.
*Hugs*
Faith
The crash DOES suck.
I SO thought this was a pretty safe one to get hopes up about (positive interactions, small scale, short timeframe, well bounded…). Obviously, I was wrong *sigh*. Lesson learnt.
Thanks for the hugs.
Ferns
I am so sorry for you. Your feelings are totally understandable. Hopefully sharing your feelings helps in some way. Big hug.
Thanks for the sympathy *hug*.
Does sharing help? Yes! Because people go ‘geez, that sucks’ and I get to go ‘Inorite?!!’ That always helps.
Either way, you get the good and the bad here. Here I am, dispelling the myth that dominant women can just get whatever they want whenever they want! You’re welcome!!
Ferns
You errr know there might be some ladies out there who could you know * scuffs feet* fill in on the kissing as it were you know just as like a stand in just in case
Coug
I need that toaster oven damn it
*laugh* Well, if you know any local ones, please let me know. Given the way this is going, that toaster oven might be closer than you think!
Ferns
Fuuuuuck!! We love you bouncy and excited. And now you have one more reason not to get like that without clear evidence in hand. Grrrrrrrr
But the upside is you have a new kind of date that I’m sure can be copyrighted, or patented, or trademarked or something like that! Then you can market a line of accessories for such kiss dates – roses would be useless, but wines to taste on each other’s lips, lip glosses, handcuffs to ensure it remains kissing only, etc.
Hang in there and keep a little of that sexy enthusiasm inside… it’s part of what makes you beautiful.
“And now you have one more reason not to get like that without clear evidence in hand. Grrrrrrrr”
I KNOOOWWW!! Grrrr indeed!
“But the upside is you have a new kind of date that I’m sure can be copyrighted, or patented, or trademarked or something like that!”
I’ll have my people contact your people to hash out the details…
“Hang in there and keep a little of that sexy enthusiasm inside… it’s part of what makes you beautiful.”
*smile* I’m trying, truly!
Ferns
Oh girl. I am SO with you on this! Right. Where. I . Am. Fuck!!! Hugs to ya.
Ugh you too?! Noooo! Sucks!! *hugs back*
Ferns
What exactly is a kissing date?
Is it just a meet up without words and kissing only?
That’s exactly what it is: More here.
Ferns
very interesting. very cool.
is this kissing date concept an original ferns idea?
It is indeed: One of my best ones :).
Ferns
And have you indulged in the kissing date several, if not more, times?
Was it fun/sucessful?
And i guess there would be some small talk at the very least? A basic hi.
And do u literally just jump in and start kissing?
This is really fascinating.
Best wishes
Rob
I think I’ve only done it three times: HFBE was the first.
The tricky bit is that the combination of factors has to be exactly right:
1. I’m attracted enough to want to kiss him
2. I feel safe (you CAN do it with someone you know and it would be awesome, but the *point* of it for me is ‘hit that pretty face with my mouth before I find out he’s a jerkface’, so essentially I’m putting myself alone in a room in an intimate situation with a man I don’t know
3. He wants to. You *might* think ‘who wouldn’t want to?’ but I can imagine plenty of men going ‘what is this weird shit?!’
I did say hello, I went over the rules (‘no talking’ being one of them), that was about it. A little chat when I left.
Ferns
Mmmm truly interesting.
So was there a follow up so u had the opp to find out that they were/weren’t jerkfaces ? :)
I recall my last gf and when we kissed after a few dates omg the kissing was the ultimate! Sadly the relationship died after 6 mths – she had borderline personality disorder. Real tragic stuff.
My heart got shattered into a million pieces…..still in recovery mode.
Looking forward to hear how ur kissing dates travelled.
Thx
Take care
Robert