Sometimes submissives ask how they can help their dominant (especially their *new* dominant) become more comfortable in her dominance.
Come here, and I will let you in on a secret…
Ssshhhh…
Ready?
Here it is:
Seriously. Do that.
I know it sounds as if I am being cute or something, but I’m not.
Do you want to know what I probably needed most from my submissive when I was finding my feet?
Dominance makes me vulnerable for lots of reasons. I have talked about vulnerability previously, but I don’t think I have tackled it as it relates to my dominance before, probably because it’s so complex.
Dominance makes me feel vulnerable because I expose myself in it: I give of myself, I share secrets, I let him in to see who I really am, I offer him my control, I trust him to revel in it, I … Continue Reading
Submission is not passive.
I remember a submissive saying to me once “It’s easy for me, I just have to turn up and do what I’m told…”
Yeah, good luck with that.
Submission is NOT about being passive. If someone chooses ‘submissive’ as a role because they think it absolves them of the responsibility to be an active and enthusiastically functioning participant in a relationship, they are going to be sadly disappointed.
I see a … Continue Reading
I talked in my Masocast interview with the lovely UnspeakableAxe about compromising away happiness, and I’ve had a few private conversations about it since then, so I thought it was worth expanding on.
A lot of people seem to start relationships with “Oh, that’s okay, it’s not that important to me” and end up with “What the holy fuck happened here?”
There is always compromise in relationships, but there is a world of difference between … Continue Reading
When I met my boy, he was scared, as many newbies are scared.
Scared that he wouldn’t know what to do ‘as a submissive’.
Scared that this D/s thing wouldn’t be what he expected.
Scared that the reality wouldn’t live up to what was in his head, in his imagination.
Scared that he wasn’t really submissive, that he was ‘faking it’ somehow, fooling himself.
Scared that he wasn’t really a masochist, that his fantasies … Continue Reading
Vanilla flirting is about expressing attraction and playing with it.
It’s essentially:
“You’re cute…”
“No YOU…”
And etc.
Flirting is fun, it’s bouncing potential off each other, even if there is no real intent. It’s about both parties feeling desirable and appreciated.
To me, D/s flirting has exactly the same aim, it’s just a little different in its execution. D/s flirting is about playing around with the dynamic a little bit. Similar to vanilla flirting, … Continue Reading
A recent discussion interested me with two very different schools of thought in response to this question:
“Do you use anything to invoke and maintain submission from your partner?”