I hear it a lot when some self-identified dominant behaves like a jerk: “They aren’t dominant, they’re just an arsehole.”
It annoys the crap out of me.
Let me tell you a little secret. Come closer now…
The two aren’t mutually exclusive.
I know!! Shocker, right?!
Some dominants ARE arseholes. Also emotionally stunted, insensitive, selfish, rude, stupid, jerk-faced fuck ups.
You don’t get to to say that those people aren’t dominant as if dominance is … Continue Reading
I really want to do a bunch of ‘How to’ posts to cover ‘hints and tips for newbies’ because I see these kinds of questions all the time from both potential submissives and from potential dominants. They’re great questions that many people struggle with in one way or another.
Hello. when answering questions you often say to new Dom’s not take the airy fairy stuff like ‘I want to fulfil all your fantasies’ and ask … Continue Reading
Edited To Add: Here’s a link to the post with my answer to this question and advice for anyone who’s struggling with it in their dynamic:
When your submissive says ‘no’
I was going to write a post pontificating about this, as I tend to do, and then I thought I’d ask you all instead of blathering on about it from my own point of view.
For both submissives and dominants:
… Continue ReadingIn your relationship, what
How does a sub say no at all. I read you blog entry on what to do if your sub says no but a harder question for a sub is how do you say no. Numerous times I have had very bad experiences because I didn’t feel I could deny my partner.
Recently My Lady put me through a scene that was several hours long. It was something I knew I would not enjoy but … Continue Reading
Advice and thoughts on nicknames, getting your needs met, building energy in play, and the intricacies of kissing dates.
___
Hey there,
I’m an aspiring Domme. But I haven’t found a name I’m happy with yet. Any suggestions?
Thanks!
~Goddess _________
Hello there!
*smile* You are starting your name with ‘Goddess’ and you are asking someone who goes by ‘Ferns’. I think I can safely say “I got nothin'”.
My only advice is to pick … Continue Reading
Hello wonderful Ferns,
I have started seeing a beautiful boi, who is alpha plus in his day job. This also means he is extremely busy. Sometimes this makes it hard to dominate him as we kind of work to his clock. I am okish with this as I admire his work, actually it really turns me on.. blah blah ANYWAY… Have you been in a similar position and how did you manage it? Or, alternatively … Continue Reading
This cracker of a question was asked by someone on my Ask Me page all anonymous-like:
What is the best advice you can give to a new Domme? I’m feeling uncertain about how to blend the vanilla and the D/s in a new relationship.
It’s tough not only to be figuring out yourself and your needs but learning someone else’s, too! And yet difficult to separate the two.
It can be really tough, yes!!
I … Continue Reading