The other day, I wrote about you, quiet words just for me. My journal is heavy with the weight of thousands upon thousands of quiet words. And loud words. And sweet ones. Angry ones. Violent ones. Broken ones.
I couldn’t remember your name.
It was a shock. A physical shock. I felt it in the pit of my stomach. A kind of panic.
I was still for a few moments, probing around the inside of … Continue Reading
I think sometimes that I am not built for emotions.
I either feel nothing, or I feel too much.
Mostly it’s nothing. That’s the truth.
I have joked before that I’m ‘dead inside’. I don’t know why I would make that joke. It’s not even remotely funny.
But then I can also be overwhelmed by emotional input. And honestly, it’s mostly people throwing their emotions at me: Fear, desire, heartache, insecurity, loathing, lust, anger, hurt, … Continue Reading
When I talk with lovely submissive men, the ones who have wonderful qualities, the ones who I should fit with because they are perfect on paper, I want to tell them how to scale my walls.
If you’ve ever been into rock climbing you know exactly what I mean.
“No, up, the hand hold is there on your left, above your head. Yes THERE. And there’s a foot hold on that small ledge there, about … Continue Reading
A question on Fetlife:
Is your dominance shaped by a reaction against anything?
The answer to this is complicated. I think we all look back into our past for confirmation of ‘who we are’, so there is a lot of bias in that kind of hindsight.
Sexually I vividly remember rape play with barbie and ken dolls (my sister was horrified and never let me play with hers again), and finding a deliciously dirty non-con … Continue Reading
I own two beautiful steel boned corsets, a couple of black lacy bras and some lace panties that I’ve had forever.
And that’s it for beautiful lingerie-type things.
I used to love lingerie way back when, but at some point I lost interest. Not because I don’t think it’s pretty and sexy, but because somehow it just became… impractical and too expensive and hard to justify.
Which it is, really.
But still, it sounds … Continue Reading
To all of my fabulous readers and commenters, thank you for your support and loveliness over the past 12 months (and longer for many of you!). I hope that 2016 brings you and yours much joy and love.
I am emerging from several weeks spent with 24/7 family familyfamilyFAMILY. Given I’m an introvert and they are lovely but difficult people, I am mentally and emotionally depleted. When I got home yesterday, I blasted some music … Continue Reading
I get asked what my fantasies are relatively often. I think people expect to hear something relateable, something familiar, sexy, BDSM-ey, something doable.
But what I fantasise about, what I REALLY like and fantasise about, is to do what I want. To genuinely and honestly not give a shit what he wants. Whatever fucked up shit I want to do, let me do that. When someone talks about ‘using him’, mostly he doesn’t imagine it … Continue Reading
