My First: Are you sure the wine and yourself haven’t made each other’s acquaintance tonight?
Me: Shush!
First: Yes Ma’am
Me: …
…
…
jfdjlgjlkbalkjfdjkl;fj
*laugh*
First: That’s the first thing you’ve instructed me to do since we moved apart
Me: I was thinking VERY IMPORTANT THINGS! Stop short circuiting me!
First: Sorry Ma’am
Me: Bzzzttttt
…
Seriously, I can’t put a coherent thought together now. Holy fuck.

___

Apparently some things retain their power.… Continue Reading

My First and I met in a BDSM chat room, on IRC. I can’t remember the details. What I remember is that we were attracted to each other, got chatting, emailing, talking, we exchanged photos. There was definitely something there.

He was some 6 years younger at 25, lived about 900kms away, had just finished his masters. He was restless, was looking to move, he was unhappy where he was, I can’t remember why exactly. … Continue Reading

I found a copy of my old hand-coded blog from the time my First and I were in our relationship. I wonder if there was a private journal also, but I haven’t taken the time to really look for it. My blog at the time was also BDSM-focussed (oh, what a surprise!), documenting my early explorations and relationships, but the content is frustratingly sporadic and incomplete. My play posts about my First were based on … Continue Reading

In case you don’t normally read comments, my First has contributed some thoughtful perspectives in the comments of these posts about him (he posts as Her First):

• Unravelling the past
• Navel gazing

___

I had a blog around the time that we were in a relationship, possibly some journals also. I was curious enough about how I felt at the time to go looking for them.

I found the blog content and some old … Continue Reading

In a comment on my last post, Aethel said this about her current relationship:

“I really want to strangle his old doms whenever I think of them. I have had to undo the fears, almost expectations, of abuse that previous partners left behind”

Yeep. That sounds terrible, and I’m really glad that he has you to create that safe space for him.

I actually expect (though I haven’t asked) that my First’s partners after … Continue Reading

For the full story:

• He believed…
• Because… mine
• My First: his words
• Glimpses of history

My First and I have been gently exploring our past relationship, and in doing so we have been exposing the fact that we never really understood each other. And when I say ‘never really understood’, I mean ‘had wildly different experiences in the same relationship’.

There was the ‘big misunderstanding‘ that underscored a lot of it, but it’s … Continue Reading