I don’t say “I love you” much. I am stingy with it, miserly. I hoard it to myself as if it might get used and old and dirty if I put it on the table.
I feel deeply and hard, but “I love you” is like taking out a huge knife and carving the words into skin, pain and blood spurting everywhere, cries of elation or hurt, his or mine, both sometimes.
The feeling comes … Continue Reading
In my last post, in amongst the ‘being cute’ thing, bambi suggested I should write about “overcomplicating things like ‘I like touching’ and communications”. It was a good suggestion.
I am learning how bambi communicates, and vice versa of course.
I have joked that we each need translators. I’m only half kidding.
I tend to speak carelessly and broadly. I often just want the concept, the *feeling* of a thing.
Bambi tends to … Continue Reading
Ferns: I want to write a blog post today. What shall I write about?
bambi: ME
bambi: ME ME ME ME ME
Ferns: *laugh*
bambi: *raises hand , waves it*
bambi: PICK ME PICK ME PICK ME
Ferns: What shall I write about you?
bambi: mmmm
bambi: how I’m pretty!
bambi: write about my eyes!
bambi: or write about overcomplicating things like ‘I like touching’
bambi: and communications
Ferns: *nod* “He is a terrible communicator, … Continue Reading
Sometimes it’s hard to be honest without feeling manipulative.
Sometimes I know what the outcome of honesty is going to be, so it feels like I am manoeuvring that outcome by *being* honest. That can be a hard mindset to let go of.
I suspect that more submissives have experienced this dilemma than dominants.
Submissive [honest statement]: “I really like it when you just tell me what to do without asking me.”
*cue your … Continue Reading
I want to do things to you.
This feeling is vague, which is unusual for me, but it’s okay.
I don’t even really know what things, just… things.
I want to take you out of your rational brain and see what happens when logic leaves you. I am still not quite sure how to do that. I can’t picture it in my head. Not yet.
I want to know how far your resistance goes. Whether … Continue Reading
So bambi has been offline for the third day in a row**. I am twitchy and restless. I am used to pretty much constant contact when our timezones align.
He is overseas, staying in a small, remote village in a foreign country. He has had internet access in the place he has been staying, but apparently it is now broken. He has only a ‘voicemail-to-email’ cell number, and there are no internet cafes, … Continue Reading
Soon after we started speaking, bambi and I talked about fitness. He told me that he was carrying too much weight and was trying to lose it. I told him that if he was mine, I would make him lose the weight (and no, I don’t care one bit how ‘politically incorrect’ that is). A day after we had that discussion, he went and got a gym membership and ramped up his efforts. I enjoyed … Continue Reading