Sometimes play just… well, it just doesn’t work.
I tried puppy play, I thought he would be sweet as a puppy… fun and playful, insistent and helpless.
He was not to rise from all fours, he was not to speak. He could make sounds, he could try to indicate to me if he wanted things. He was to act like a puppy.
He looked cute and a little confused as he sank to the floor.… Continue Reading
You are the tunes in my head, the fire in my ribs
You are the voice in my heart that whispers compassion
You are the storm on the ocean, poem in the trees
The smell of the winter that haunts me each autumn…
Happy birthday, Helen.
Happy birthday, beautiful boy.
I miss you.
… Continue ReadingI want very much to tell you stories and lovely things and send you snipped locks of hair and have you give me pieces of skin and bone and fix it all with you here so that we can fight and make up like we are a regular Joe and Mary (that’s you, by the way, Mary), and make you stand naked in the corner and write penance with your tongue on the wall and … Continue Reading
We wander into the sex shop in the gay part of town. It is a rather conventional shop, by most standards, but oh, they have shoes. Stripper shoes a mile high, with clear heels and diamantes, platforms in white, red and black, ribbons and shiny leather.
I search through sizes while he idly browses beside me. I point some out to him, “Look, look at these, these are fabulous!!” He smiles and nods approval, “Yes … Continue Reading
And… I’m back! Missed me dincha? It’s okay, you can admit it, I won’t tell!
I want to say a huge thank you to everyone who has been so sweet to me, both here in comments and in private emails. Your empathy and support has been really wonderful. Never underestimate the kindness of strangers.
I’m going okay here, I miss my boy* madly, but I am okay. We have exchanged a couple of sweet tentative … Continue Reading
We have had a difficult time in the past couple of weeks, but then break ups aren’t meant to be easy.
I have been disappointed and angry at some of the choices he made in dealing with it because they caused me unnecessary pain. He chose to withdraw from me at a time when I had assumed that we were in this difficult situation together, gentle and sad and united, hurt and supportive of each … Continue Reading
We were both upset, he was sorry…
I whispered to him, “I know you did your best, your very best for me, for as long as you could…”
And then, he cried.
Later, after he was gone, I cried also.