Compersion (n): A feeling of joy when a loved one invests in and takes pleasure from another romantic or sexual relationship. Referred to mostly in poly or open relationships.
I don’t feel it. Ever.
I am not a kind or giving person that way.
I am selfish and greedy.
Possessive.
What’s mine is mine and you can’t have any of it. Not just physically, but emotionally. That shy smile he does just before I kiss … Continue Reading
Peroxide over at Submissive in Seattle wrote an introspective post about polyamory for the mono-amorous where he talks about what it was like to be in a poly relationship when he’s mono-amorous. Short version: it’s tough. Long version: go read it.
I’ve been meaning to write something about non-monogamy (really, non-monoamory, but god, what an awkward word!) for a while.
Partly because my First now identifies as non-monogamous so it’s come a little closer to … Continue Reading
There are those relationships whose influence lasts long after they are over and often for longer than they were alive. Intensity, unfathomable joy, bright starbursts, out-of-control fireworks, terrible pain. Remnants that are still sharp if I pay attention. The tail of the comet is often brighter than the flare of its reality.
He wrote. Words about me. Always his words: strange, and powerful, skirting around the edges of his wild imagination, some truth at their … Continue Reading
We met at my gym. Me waiting impatiently. My First driving in from the airport.
We were both smiling as he walked in, a big hug hello, a kiss on the lips (did I go for the cheek? I can’t remember, but already I felt how soft his mouth was, how his touch lingered just a microsecond too long). A quick visual familiarisation, a reconciliation of ancient memory with the man in front of me.… Continue Reading
The way my brain works is really annoying to me sometimes.
It will spin on a thought and refuse to let it go, and I will spend way too much time and energy talking to myself about it, going round and round in circles.
When the sex-voiced Texan cut off communication, there was a niggling fear that ‘something’ had happened. But I let it go because I’m not one of those people who makes excuses … Continue Reading
“It’s late,” I said. An obvious ‘end of the evening’ type fact: It was 1am.
He nodded agreement, got up from the couch.
We wandered over to the door. I smiled, thanked him for the wonderful dinner.
I stood a little taller than him in my heels. We were essentially eye-to-eye, standing a little too close. A slight hesitance, both leaning in for a kiss.
It was a quizzical kind of kiss. A question mark. … Continue Reading
My First just left a comment about our weekend on my last post about it.
Since a) I know how much I love it when I get to hear both sides of a story and b) it’s so lovely and c) I haven’t written anything about it (yet), I’m posting his comment here.
A glimpse, as fascinating to me as to anyone else.
___
There may be some people wondering how this weekend turned … Continue Reading