I have a theory about how a lot of us deal with relationships that we know aren’t working, or that won’t work, can’t work.
When we feel connected to someone, not even ‘in love’ (though love makes it worse), just… connected somehow, we hang on even when we know we shouldn’t.
Maybe it’s a long term relationship that is well past it’s expiration date. Maybe it’s the flare of a hopeless crush. Maybe it’s the … Continue Reading
When I was a lesbian, one of the things that turned me on, wildly and stupidly, was the thought that ‘no man will ever have this…’
When we tangled up together, all long limbs and smooth skin, when I traced her amazing breasts, when she thrust her cunt into my mouth, when she reached to kiss me, when she showed off her perfect body, when she writhed with pleasure, when she made that ‘ohhh’ … Continue Reading
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On … Continue Reading
I take him by surprise, from sweetness to sprung energy, I grab him by the throat and shove him backwards, fast, sudden. He almost loses his balance, his eyes widen, he thuds into the wall just as he starts to flail.
I wonder if he will fight me. I want to see it. I watch the flash of defiance, maybe even anger: The injustice, the patronising cuntery of it.
“You know I can beat you,” … Continue Reading
I’m angry, I’m hurt, I’m sad, and none of this is a surprise. Which is some comfort. Because I knew. And knowing means my instincts are good, solid, reliable. Knowing cushions the fall, makes the landing softer.
“I don’t trust him,” I said, right there in black and white.
I was right.
But I still kept a little piece of hope alive, because dammit, there was something there that I haven’t felt in a … Continue Reading
It is impossibly seductive to feel seen and be wanted.
I don’t mean in a nice calm and measured way, over coffee, perhaps a pastry with a light sprinkle of icing sugar on top, civilised conversation, a polite nodding.
I mean in that scary-intense way that crashes over you in waves. That way that feels ridiculous and frightening and tempts you to drown in it.
It’s right on the border of ‘WTF?!’ Perhaps even a … Continue Reading
He was standing at the sink, washing up.
I swear I didn’t touch a dish the entire time he was here. Lovely.
I watched him for a moment or two. He was wearing longish shorts and a t-shirt, his body moving slightly as he scrubbed.
I stepped in behind him, pressing gently against his back. My face resting against his shoulder blade. His height always a kind of quiet thrill for me.
I slipped a … Continue Reading
