She knows she has hurt him, and not in the hotdeliciousfabulous way. One minute he is a happy eager puppy, bouncing beside her, all smiles and affectionate enthusiasm. The next he is kicked, bruised, cowering and skulking away in pain.
She hates this, when she hurts him.
“I’m sorry baby, I’m sorry…”
She wants to bring him to her and make it better, she wants to protect him from her, to growl and spit at this bitch who has made him feel this way.
He has already closed down, he is gone, there is no talking to him now, he will pretend it is okay, he will say there is no problem as his clouded eyes bring the shutters down to keep her out.
She formulates the words. She wants him to understand. She wants him to be healed. She pictures his heart, she pictures the way he stands inside the door, his body and chest open, his beating heart exposed to her in trust, she pictures how he waits for her, and she wonders if he will shut it away from her, that raw open heart, to protect himself from her and she mourns its loss already.
8 comments
Oh, god, this breaks my heart. This is the saddest thing I’ve ever seen you write. It makes me want to reach out and collect you up into a great big hug and hold you until you feel better; tell you it’s OK, he’s not going anywhere, he’ll be fine, you haven’t broken anything… it’s OK! Really! Feel better… smile, OK?
Panda: I know! It breaks my heart too. And thank you, he *was* fine, perfectly fine. He is tough, I am soft, like marshmallow.
But shhhh… don’t tell anyone!
Ferns
I am soft, like marshmallow. But shhhh… don’t tell anyone!
Oh, I already know that. It’s right there in every word, if someone only looks closely enough. It’s the softness that makes the hardness so irresistibly intoxicating, and makes you so complete and so authentic as a person.
But don’t worry; I won’t tell anyone. You might want to be careful who you share it with, though – you wouldn’t want anyone to post it on the internets or anything like that.
Panda: “It’s the softness that makes the hardness so irresistibly intoxicating…”
Oh stop! You will make me blush… no wait… I don’t blush… please, do continue…
“But don’t worry; I won’t tell anyone.”
I trust you, it’ll be our little secret!
Ferns
Ah Ferns, you know I love the sad stories best.
vague: Did I read the words ‘excellent fornication’ in your comment there? No? How disappointing, I was looking forward to that.
“…I love the sad stories best.”
I did not know that… you are soft also. I won’t tell.
Lovely to see you here by the way!
Ferns
What did you do, Ferns? You can’t tell a story and not give us the ‘here’s what not to do’ message!
You can’t tell a story and not give us the ‘here’s what not to do’ message!
*laugh* I love that you commented like this, with a little outrage at my lack of conclusion! Thank you Ms Buttercup *smile*!
But of course I *can* absolutely tell a story and not give you the rest. In fact, I think that might be my forte… heh (4.5 years of not following up with the conclusion probably means I’m not going to…).
Ferns