Trying to date takes up all of my writerly energy (not even dating, just trying to date).
I’m not sure why that is really.
It’s not like I’m spending hours a day thinking up witty replies to stellar messages. Most of the emails that land in my inbox are about the same level of lame one liner as I’ve already mentioned in this post. I’m not even bothering to reply to those.
I did indeed ask my last vanilla date if he wanted to have a kissing date:
“Thanks so much for coming to meet me. Who knew a beard could be so useful :).
I don’t think we’re a good relationship match, but I really like the way you kiss.
Would you consider talking about a no-strings post-beard kissing date (I know you don’t know what that is, hence the ‘talking about it’ bit :))?”
His reply:
“Hmmm, I’ll consider it..
Of course, sure!
I miss kissing, and you’re good at it.
Will it happen? I have no idea.
He was planning to meet a woman who had a thing for beards, so that means a delay on the beard-butchery. We’ve had a few text exchanges since, he invited me out for a walk on the beach with his dog (aw sweet), I said I’d hold out for the kissing date thankyouverymuch. But my interest in that is slipping away as time goes on, so if it doesn’t happen soon, it won’t happen at all.
We’ll see.
6 comments
Never hold out for a kissing date with a guy who’s already prepared to share the most precious things in his life with you.
There are many routes to a man’s heart and to his soul. Holding out on the ones he offers (and a dog walk is most likely one) is no guarantee of finding a better one through his mouth.
Try meeting him half way. You’re an exceptionally smart lady, I’m sure you could find such a place.
Come on now, EB. We’ve HAD this chat already.
You are misunderstanding what is going on here and then based on that misunderstanding you are giving me advice on how to go somewhere I’m not interested in going.
I already said that he and I BOTH already agreed that we are not a relationship match. Both. Agreed. Not a match.
Why is that hard for you to understand?
So he wasn’t offering to ‘share a most precious thing’ and I’m not looking for ‘a route to his heart and soul’. He was going for a walk and thought some company might be fun. That’s not fun for me. I want a kissing date because I think it might be fun. If that’s fun for him also, then yay!
I get that you’re a romantic and I do understand that you wish me love and happiness, but when you start giving me advice because apparently despite being ‘exceptionally smart’, I’m incapable of deciding what I want with a man, you’re going to get an ‘aw hell no!’ from me.
So: Aw hell no!
*add optional ranty arm waving here*
Ferns
Well, in my defence, I’ve often found the smartest and most worthy of relationships to be the worst at achieving them for whatever reason.
I’d also add that I’ve seen smart and worthy people who both agreed (insisted) that they were not a relationship match eventually get married and have children (and I have publicly advocated for them at official ceremonies while dressed in morning suit). This is, of course, not to say that your mutual insistence in incorrect.
I’d also add that there’s no such a thing as a man going on a date with a girl, and then asking her to “go for a walk” because he thought “some company might be fun”. Hint: he already has “company” because he has a dog. It’s not company he’s interested in, it’s you. He likes *you*.
Finally; I have no doubt that “being exceptionally smart” you know what you want with a man, but I might, perhaps, have doubts that you know the best route to finding that. Smart people are always bad at making the relationships they deserve to have. And that’s a fact. It’s in the latest round of results from the CREN particle accelerator. It’s science.
This is not to say that this particular beardy dog-man was the person to fill your life with happiness … just that moving into a new and awkward space might be a way to find something you’ve so far sadly been unable to find.
Yours,
Buffoon like Englishman
P.S. If you want me to dick off and stop filling your comments with sincere but awkward opinion just say, and I’ll take my life frustrations out on my Facebook chums instead.
“If you want me to dick off and stop filling your comments with sincere but awkward opinion just say, and I’ll take my life frustrations out on my Facebook chums instead.”
I really appreciate you asking this, thank you. I suspect you are seeing my irritation, but aren’t quite sure why.
I’m always happy to hear people’s opinions, and I know you mean well, but when you start acting as if you know me, my situation, and some dude you never met better than I do and then based on that assumption you start telling me what I should do, should never do, would do if I was smart(er), you are falling solidly into condescension, and that’s irritating as fuck.
When you then CONTINUE to insist that you know better despite my addressing it the first time, then you need to stop it.
So by all means, express your opinion, but please don’t presume to tell me what to do. If you aren’t sure what the difference is then picture this: If can yell “STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO!” at you, then you’re on the wrong side of the line :P.
Ferns
He sounds like a nice guy. I hope you get that kissing date! I can’t say I’ve been in your situation so I couldn’t really give any advice. Just the usual “build it and they will come” (uhhh… is that the right thing for this situation?)
You’ll have better luck. 2016 is only just starting.
Lots of love,
-Harvest Hellion
I think I’m going to try dating again soon, and I truly worry if I could be content dating someone vanilla. I don’t think I can.