Today I met with a 24 year old service submissive.
The history on him soon.
Suffice it to say that service submissives are the unicorns of the F/m world, talked about with awe and wonder and more than a little scepticism.
I may just have found my unicorn: A smart, opinionated, pretty unicorn with pure blue eyes and and a great attitude.
*faints*
21 comments
That would have been me half a lifetime ago, had that world been accessible to me. I always wonder what my odds of happiness would have been had I been young now rather than then.
Ahh, yes, the opportunities are much different now than in the past.
I read your blog and you haven’t particularly struck me as a service submissive, so it’s interesting that service might have been a thing you would have explored if it had been more accessible.
Either way, I DO think that access to information and resources has absolutely changed everything for young people. Growing up without the internet is a thing only dinosaurs did :).
Ferns
A true service submissive? Better bolt his chain to the floor in your house right now, I’ve had to have a talk about his increasing uncooperative brattiness with my boytoy just yesterday.
Compared to the usual preamble about men you sound enthusiastic. Hope you can enjoy some delicious sparks and flirtatiousness, no matter what turns out for you two in the end ;)
*smile* Thank you.
I’ve never done any sort of pure service arrangement before (not least because I don’t trust them), so it’s very different from what I’m used to.
I like new things, though, and he’s rather lovely.
Good luck with sorting out your boytoy!
Ferns
Damn it all I just mailed you the cat lady too! *stamps foot* Honestly Ferns get a FUCKIN’ grip! *laughs*
Fingers crossed
Coug
Don’t worry, I think the cat lady thing is still on the cards. Service submission does NOT save one from future crazy cat lady-ness. So we’re still good!
Ferns
Ooh, I met one of those a few years ago! It took about six months before I believed it was real and then, since he was single and tired of being alone, I’d give him small tasks and chores. It brightened up his day and made my life easier until he found THE ONE. It was so cute watching them and they’re still quite happy together.
*smile* That’s SO lovely!
And it IS pretty unbelievable isn’t it?
We are still to organise a time for him to come and prove his mettle, but he offered to come today, so he’s sweetly super keen. I have no doubt he’s going to be great.
Ferns
Guess I’m missing something in this conversation. What is so particularly unusual about a submissive whose motivation is to serve? That’s kinda’ sorta’ what we do around here. And, if it helps, I have very blue eyes.
*smile* Blue eyes always help.
A ‘service submissive’ offers domestic services (or sometimes other useful services) for their own sake, because they get something out of doing it. That is, it’s solely service.
And hell yes it’s rare.
Various kinds of service within the context of a sexual/romantic/fwb/play partner/whatever *relationship* is something very different. Once it’s in that context, it’s no longer ‘pure’ service. I’m not devaluing that (not at all!), it’s just that expecting certain kinds of service from my submissive in my romantic D/s relationship is a very different thing from a pure service relationship where the giving and receiving of domestic service IS the relationship.
So this boy actually put up personal ads offering domestic service, nothing more. Just ‘I’ll come to your house and do your chores’: he was actively seeking service arrangements.
99.9% of self identified service submissives, when questioned, will reveal that actually, they want some play in return, or they are angling for a relationship, or their service comes with caveats, or they just want to prance around in a maid’s outfit and get spanked for being naughty and etc.
So yeah, a genuine ‘pure’ service submissive is a total unicorn.
Ferns
Alas, it would appear our adored Ferns Ladyship lives in a very benighted locale! Yes, absolutely,if there is a romantic D/s relationship, the service isn’t “pure” in the sense you mean, because I’m getting to be loved in return – and if it’s a full-time liaison probably getting played with, going on dates in dayworld and to lifestyle gatherings, etc. Yes, it is also true that many “service submissives” are getting (or hoping to get), something in addition to “just” doing the service activity, but it isn’t true that’s 99.99 percent of us. for many of us. But, remember: ALL human interactions, with the exception of nonconsensual brute force, are some sort of trade. Ferns, you acknowledge that it is acceptable in our lifestyle for trading “something” for service, but then differentiate as unicornly if the trade isn’t “pure” – the male “just” doing the service but the party of the female part isn’t “doing” anything. What you’re missing is that we ARE getting something back. you’re letting us serve and we get to feel grateful/happy/fulfilled/accomplished. That you aren’t “doing” anything doesn’t mean you aren’t giving male personnel on this end of the leash something of supreme value. Yes, serving my Wife I “expected” a trade of more “goodies” than just being allowed to serve. No, serving another Lady in the proper context, I didn’t expect anything other than the opportunity to do whatever it is – polish her boots, move her furniture, massage her feet – and despite having beautiful blue eyes I must confess I’m otherwise not noteworthy or rare.
“Yes, it is also true that many “service submissives” are getting (or hoping to get), something in addition to “just” doing the service activity, but it isn’t true that’s 99.99 percent of us.”
I should have phrased that as ‘In my experience, 99.9% of service submissives…’. Since you are clearly a submissive man, you obviously haven’t talked to submissive men who offered service in order to understand their expectations, so I don’t understand why you think your experience is more indicative of what’s out there than mine.
I’ve talked to a LOT of dominant women and I know that most of them have had the same experience as me with attempts at service arrangements (that is, they were offered service that turned out to have all sorts of strings attached), and most don’t even bother talking to men who offer it any more because it’s just more trouble than it’s worth. Offers of genuine service submission are rare.
“What you’re missing is that we ARE getting something back. you’re letting us serve and we get to feel grateful/happy/fulfilled/accomplished. That you aren’t “doing” anything doesn’t mean you aren’t giving male personnel on this end of the leash something of supreme value.”
Oh no, I’m not missing that at all. I absolutely agree with you.
I specifically said that “the giving and receiving of domestic service IS the relationship”, and ‘receiving service’ from a position of dominance is not nothing. If it was nothing or had no value in the exchange, he could just knock on random doors in his neighbourhood and offer to do their chores. That’s not how it works.
Ferns
I was completely unaware we are unicorns. That said, I don’t go looking for male submissives of my own so I don’t really know the lay of the land. I just figured, being one myself, that service submission in men is really common. It isn’t?
See my comment above. It’s rarer than a really really rare thing.
Ferns
I appreciate the explanation. Well appreciated. I hope you enjoy the lad’s service.
Lucky you! Hope it works out fantastically for you, anddddd…… Does he have a brother??!!!!
Xoxo
Thanks. I hope so too.
It’s new for both of us. I’ve NEVER entertained the idea before and he’s only done a couple of one-off service sessions (‘sessions’ doesn’t seem right, but I don’t know what to call it) with different dominant women, so we will see how it plays out for both of us.
He DOES have a brother *laugh*. If it works out I’ll see what I can do…
Ferns
That sounds totally awesome!!! I can’t wait to read more!!!
Thanks *smile*. I suspect it will be a quiet and sweet little thing.
Ferns
Yes it will. Ferns, you are correct I haven’t sampled the entire population of “submissive guys to see if they’re pure service subs” but have seen it as often as not (E.g. a submissive male person who’d offer to do chores and such for a Lady, maybe he’d dress in maid outfit but no playing or expectation of playing or anything else to the relationship but come over and clean stuff). Remember that everybody doesn’t do the same things for the same reasons all the time. A “service sub only” for one or more Ladies might also, somewhere else, have some relationship(s) with more active reciprocity. We’re not really disagreeing in principle here, just slightly on the % of how many male personnel are/aren’t unicorns.
I feel a as if we are mis-hitting in our conversation.
“I haven’t sampled the entire population of “submissive guys to see if they’re pure service subs””
I’m NOT talking about a percentage in ‘the entire population of submissive guys’. Most men don’t CLAIM to be offering pure service, and rightly so. The majority do not exercise their submission in that way: It’s a very particular bent. I’m talking about the percentage who SAY THEY ARE OFFERING SERVICE. 99.9% of THEM aren’t.
“… but have seen it as often as not (E.g. a submissive male person who’d offer to do chores and such for a Lady, maybe he’d dress in maid outfit but no playing or expectation of playing or anything else to the relationship but come over and clean stuff)”
And here’s our disconnect. You say you ‘see it’. I see it too. You are apparently taking them at their word and going ‘see?! I told you so!’.
I have talked to many who offered this. They are illusions, mirages: when I actually dig around a bit, 99.9% of the time I find that they are not offering what they claim to be offering. To the point where I stopped entertaining the idea at all.
“We’re not really disagreeing in principle here, just slightly on the % of how many male personnel are/aren’t unicorns.”
No probably not, but it irks me to have my own experience (and the experience of many women) dismissed because you (a submissive man who’s presumably never actually tried to work out an arrangement with any of these guys) know better.
I know you probably don’t mean to come across as ‘ha ha Ferns, you silly thing, you don’t know what you’re talking about, let me explain it to you, dear’ but I’m finding it very difficult not to read it that way and get my hackles up.
If you said ‘I do this and I have half a dozen friends who do it also, I thought lots of submissive men enjoyed pure service’, that’s different. And it seems like you DO do it. So it appears that you are then extrapolating your thinking to others who *appear* to think the same and come to the conclusion that it’s common. Trust me, it’s not.
Ferns