Happy femdom story: D&S Part 2, S’ side

I shared D’s side of D&S’ happy femdom story already.

This is Part 2: Her side.

S talks about how she felt when her husband, D, told her about his desires, and what happened next.

Huge thanks to both D and S for so generously sharing their story.
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Author: S

I remember the day over five years ago that D told me about his long-suppressed interest in submission, kink and D/s. We had been married twenty-four years, and he told me we needed to talk. My mind was racing. Somehow, I suspected the worst, a confessed affair or a request for a divorce, even though things had been really good in our relationship at that time. I was surprised when he told me that he had had bondage fantasies since he was a child, and that he wanted us to try a relationship style where I would be in charge. But I was relieved and told him that this was something I could work with for the man who I loved.

Honestly, he could not have handled that conversation better. I’ve often thought that together we could teach a class on introducing kink to an existing long-term relationship, although sadly the people who would be interested in the topic are not at the kink conventions to hear about it. He reassured me that he was committed to me and to our marriage and that he loved me. And before this “talk,” he had taken steps to strengthen our relationship and reinvigorate our love life. In short, his words of reassurance matched his actions.

Our initial approach was a six-month trial period, where I would be in charge. I do remember a lot of hotness between us during that time, but don’t think that our day-to-day life was altered that much. Although we did stop squabbling over how to load the dishwasher.

He never asked for play, but waited for me to read, and think, and discover my own interests. Eventually I ended up buying my first flogger and trying my hand at a scene or two, first with a plastic paddle that he had purchased and then with the flogger. To our mutual surprise, I found hitting him while he was bound to be very hot. And the fact that I am a sadist remains one of the most surprising discoveries I’ve made about myself on this journey.

It wasn’t too long before we found our way to our local kink community, which includes an active femdom group. Then we started driving to a neighboring city to attend a small rope gathering. Everyone was friendly and welcoming, and we enjoyed events and made close friends. To this day, over four years later, we remain active regionally in femdom and rope groups and attend the two big hotel takeover conventions that happen annually in our city.

It has been an interesting journey, to be sure. Our marriage previously had been structured as one between two equals. We are both well-educated professionals, in the same field. The old me never wanted to be responsible for telling my husband what to do, because, in my own words, I had no desire to be his mother. My natural default is that I am a strong and independent woman, and I know that he always appreciated those qualities in me.

So, while I definitely did not want anyone telling me what to do, I truly did not have a desire to tell others what to do, including my husband. To this day, I muse on the nature of dominance, and sometimes feel like an impostor. Not because I truly question myself, but because what I know about myself does not line up with some of the most vocal on-line commentators.

I am definitely dominant sexually in our relationship and always have been. BDSM play has simply become another facet of our sexual relationship. And one of the primary functions of our D/s relationship is to feed that hotness between us.

As to other aspects of our relationship, honestly not that much has changed.

What I have learned is that a D/s relationship is very much a give and take, and must be crafted to meet the needs of both people. So regardless of what I might imagine as my ideal D/s relationship, my real relationship needs to be tailored to fit my partner’s and my own strengths and weaknesses and needs, and to take account of the fact that we still have a child living at home. Other than dominance in the bedroom and deciding which BDSM activities and groups we participate in, the primary area where I am in charge is in maintaining the relationship itself.

But that is not to say that nothing has changed. During our years exploring rope, power-exchange, and kink, we have forged a relationship that is open and communicative, and both know more about the other than we ever did before, as well as more about ourselves. We have pushed our comfort zones in exhilarating ways, had awesome experiences, and made real lasting friendships. And I have re-examined some of my own feelings about sexuality and relationships.

One of the interesting things about inviting your partner to explore with you, and to follow their own desires, is that sometimes their journey will take paths you do not expect. My exposure to the kink scene and to close friends who are polyamorous opened a desire in me to explore sexual relationships with other people. I have learned that these relationships can enhance rather than detract from an existing relationship.

So, as a result of the wheels set in motion by that conversation over five years ago, we have changed from a monogamous, typical suburban couple to mistress and submissive, rigger and rope bottom, and polyamorous partners.

I look forward to finding out what the next five years holds in store!

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This post is part of an ongoing project to share positive happy femdom relationship stories. If you’re in a joyful femdom relationship and have a story you’d like to share, I’d be delighted to have it. Please see my call out request for the details, and send it on to me.

If you like this story, you will love my ‘Happy Femdom Stories’ books :). Click the covers to get them on Amazon.

Happy Femdom Stories on Amazon: Volume 1 | Volume 2
Other bookstores: Volume 1 | Volume 2